By a show of hands, who in here have I shot before?
That is nice of you to ask. But tonight's results notwithstanding, I think Adrian Peterson has better long term potential. So I'd like to keep my options open.
First of all, I am happy you are excited to have me as your coach. Clearly, you don't follow the NFL closely, and that's a good thing for me.
Listen gentlemen. Don't try to be hero's at there tonight. Only one of us is Tim Tebow.
My team has been exposed. We're like bare arms in a sweater vest.
Come back here! Don't have to make me fire off a warning shot!
Rex, I'm sure this is just the start of great things for you. It's an uphill from here.
Come on do it. Ask him if the rumor about Bridget Moynaham is true.
What do you mean the vibrations from their speakers have broken all of our spy camera lenses?
We're winning, but somehow the whole playoff experience wouldn't feel real without doing this.
Maybe if I just turn and throw it straight out of bounds, no one will intercept it.
If this sheet blows down, America will think that Janet Jackson thing was G-Rated.
Congratulations on becoming the first black coach to lose the Super Bowl.
Oh yah. Oh yah. Oh baby. Rubbin' is Racin'.
What! 3.49 for regular unleaded? That's insane. I'll find another pit stop somewhere else.
Help! Help! All of my sponsor logo's are getting ruined!
I'm okay. I'm good actually. Bleeding helps relieve some of the pressure behind my eyes.
Okay. Bring out the mask. I just can't take it anymore.
What direction is Kentucky. That way?
You'll love this jacket. I've found it gives great support through the chest.
He has nice hair. Wonder if that look would work for me.
It would be more fitting to have a jersey with a number 2 on it, if you know what I mean.
That was quite a long wait you had. How many embarrassing pictures were you in during that time that will someday make their way to the internet. 15? 20?
This Saturday night you are going to find out what its like to be punched by a man who likes to wear ladies clothes.
I have decided to rejoin the Yankees, fans! Also, in a related hiring, Brian McNamee has rejoined the team's training staff.
Yah! We finally get to shave!
Oh my god! If Tony doesn't get me a wedding ring this big I am going to be so pissed at him!
I've never been in a photo with inaminate objects before.
Thank you for coming up here Mr. Oden. But where is your grandson. No-no I'm kidding, I'm kidding. That joke is so played out. You don't look a day over 40.
That's awesome. Your totally blinding the Queen with your plate.
I am so excited to finally be here in America. Really. My ankle is literally throbbing with excitement.
Tim Donaghy is just one rouge ref.
Ok, maybe he is one of five rouge referees. But that still isn't a lot.
Ok, Ok. He's one of at least 10, OK? Are you happy now? All of them are corrupt, alright? Either completely incompetent or corrupt. There I said it.
This is the Garden, where some of the greatest players ever played. I'm talking Dino Radja, Dana Barros, Ron Mercer, Jiri Welsch. The list goes on and on.
Little help. Little help here, please. I tried to bow, but I think I pulled something in my back because I'm so top-heavy.
Thank you for all the support through all these years. You are all welcome to visit me in jail at any time.
This would make an awesome hood ornament on my Buick LeSabre.
I am sorry for what I did. And I want everyone to know I'm not some animal. If I was, my friends would have put me down a long time ago.
Hey don't look at me. It's not my fault.
What do you mean we've been compromised? F*** OK, Heres what you do. Go destroy all of my documents. All but my contract with Buzzlebub and Prince Darkness.
Well, at least I have the Knicks season to look forward too.
OK, I think I determined why all the flies are attracted to you. There is a huge brown skidmark on the back of your pants. Would you like to tell me how it got there?
I'm sorry. I'm not used to having estrogen in my body. It makes me tear up easily.
Please tell me that's water they just wasted dumping it on me, and not beer.
Yay! No Jimmy Fallon!
Yeah, I took it from my parent's maid. She doesn't know. She'll probably get fired.
Hmm. A $108 million dollar payroll. I'm not sure what I can do with that.
This can not be happening. We're being badly outcoached by Dave Wannstedt.
Looks like your draft stock just went down the crapper, Buddy. sorry.
Mark my words. If you want to hire someone to help destroy the credibility of your sport, you can't hire a better man then Sen. George Mitchell.
Remember when Rafael Palmiero did this in Congress? Man that was hilarious.
I've got Mitchell Reports here, Mitchell Reports! Come and get 'em. You can't know who to put an asterisk next to without a report!
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